Hospice

Hospice came this morning. The social worker who does intake, Ellie, the RN, Vicki and the Chaplin, Ruthann. It was a full morning. Mom woke up and greeted the new folks and smiled. When Vicki left she even said she was glad to have met her. It took her a bit to get that whole sentence out but she was very sweet and smiled. I think we'll like this new gal.

Vicki did say it could be any day now, but since everyone's experience is different she couldn't be sure. She did say we were doing a very good job, which is reassuring. She'll be back on Thursday.

It is awkward being so personal with strangers. Such a difficult time, and to open up emotionally is tough, although I'm such a faucet it really isn't hard for me. I just get tired of crying, so by the time I've heard, "so how are you doing?" it almost feels patronizing. I KNOW they don't mean it that way, but come on, what do they think. They talked to dad a bit and asked me how he was doing as well.

Vicki was saying as things progress we will probably not be getting as much sleep as we are now, so to be sure we rest when we are able. I guess I'm still holding out for the falling asleep crossover for mom. I don't anticipate an epiphany during her last moments. I'll be thrilled if she does have a moment of clarity, but I'm not holding out for it. I feel very peaceful about what is next, that doesn't mean my heart isn't aching, but I'm not afraid and think if I were not in the room, it would be okay. I'm not opposed to being in the room, but I won't be flogging myself if I miss it.

She was just moaning a bit so I got closer and asked if she needed anything, she was making some noise and she said "I didn't think I was making any noise." She smiles a lot, raises her eyebrows in typical Joy fashion. I remember as a youngster sitting at the dining room table trying to get one eyebrow to arch up dramatically like mom can. I remember Melissa and I having a contest to see if we could do it.

I wonder if they have backgammon in Heaven. I've probably said this before, but we have an 8yr tournie going....I'm winning, but she's close on my heels! And of course in the early days she was always ahead, but we managed to get it close to even before their winter visits were over. I took her board to the rehab unit in Nampa after her surgery. I had to move for her, but she rolled her own dice and approved or disapproved where I moved her pips.

Good memories.

Poppa let me know that he is out of cookies. I baked soft ginger cookies for mom and had a bunch in the freezer. I guess I'm going to have to get back in the kitchen and get another batch made.

Windy and rainy in South Central Alaska....I think it is in the high 30's this evening. It looks like break-up weather, but I think it is just the annual tease we get this time of year. I try not to get too excited.