Better today

Mom is feeling a bit better today. No nausea and she ate a good breakfast. Not as much as usual, but better. I emailed the doctor to ask him to rank her medicines by importance so on days when she isn't feeling well enough to take them all, I would know which to start with. He also addressed how things might progress. He said when patients refuse to eat or drink things can be close to the end. I am not in denial, I know she is in the end stage of this disease, but I don't think we are in the last weeks. One day at a time Sweet Jesus, I'll just take one day at a time!

Mom is having more pain though, so prayers towards that end would be appreciated. She is not moving much and when she does she is so fragile it hurts. I asked the doc which pain reliever would be best. I know we might have to go back to the narcotics, which means mom is less able to participate in her care, but when it is necessary we will give her what she needs to be comfortable. He suggested trying Doans as it won't affect her kidney output or the liver. He said at this stage though Tylenol (if it helps) would be a better choice than Aspirin since GI bleeding is a possible complication. He said cutting a narcotic into small doses might offer her the best relief.

The doctor told me to be sure to take care of myself, that caregivers have a tendancy to expend all their energy at the expense of their own health. I think that is wise, but have yet to fully grasp and apply holding back for my own sake. I hear people say "take time for yourself", that is great but very difficult to do. I will trust the Lord to provide "me" time as He sees fit to make it happen. I trust Him to take care of my body, mind and soul. I see my job is to love Him with all my heart, mind and soul. So for me that plays out in daily communication with Christ. I talk to him, listen to his word (loving James McDonald's Walk In The Word online sermons) read his word, and sing. Loving Chris Tomlins "How can I keep from Singing Your Praise" and his version of "Amazing Grace"... after the first two verses he goes into ..."My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me, And like a flood his mercy reigns, Unending Love, Amazing Grace." I think about mom, being set free from the chains of this disease, being set free from the things of this world when she closes her eyes in death and opens them in front of the King. What a wonderful day that will be.

Come Lord Jesus!